Lovely Parting Gifts

Well, folks, the one-month thing with Shale fizzled, I'm sorry to say. I never stopped doing the online thing, so I hit the ground running.

I had a date Tuesday night. Via email, we planned to meet at a bar (a ridiculously nice one connected to an extremely overpriced steakhouse --$20 for a hamburger, no sides, steaks started at $50—again, no sides). He wanted to make it dinner, but I wasn’t willing to commit to that amount of time with a first date. He pushed and I pushed back.

He wanted me to bring my mp3 player and ear buds so we could check out each other’s music collection. I don’t have an mp3 player.

When I got there, he was talking to a woman who had been next to him at the bar. This didn't bother me in the LEAST. He's an outgoing guy and she seemed that way, too -- I also will chat up a stranger in public, so it's no big deal to me. Only, she knew this was our first meeting, first date, and she introduced herself to me... and then she didn't leave! She stepped away for a while...

He got his mp3 player out and, with me watching patronizingly, scrolled through and mentioned every.single.artist in alphabetical order on the playlist. YAWN. And sorry, no, you don’t “have” to have Elton John. I about barfed when I saw Air Supply on the list.(I like them, I just don’t want to date a man who likes them. Double standard du jour.)

Then he pulled something out of his Wall Street Journal: A brand new mp3 player with 4 GB of memory. He claimed it’s because he’s “Southern”(he’s from Indiana) and southern gentlemen always show up for a date with flowers because the woman is beautiful, candy because she’s sweet, and something else I’ve already forgotten. Gag.

He pushed again for dinner at Zelo, but I refused.(I really get annoyed when a guy doesn’t take polite “nos” for an answer—if it’s on the first date, it means that later on, they’re going to get worse and always want things their way. Been there, done that.) I had told him in advance to get dinner on his own.

During all of this, our woman friend (Sue) was hovering, joining in with conversation, etc. She occasionally would step back to make or take a call on her phone. This lasted for about two hours. It dawned on me AFTER the date that she was hitting on us for a threesome. She talked about two friends who were coming to pick her up: "Sometimes I play with her. Sometimes I play with him. Sometimes the three of us play together." I just thought she was trying to show off about how cool and bohemian she is. I can be pretty naive.

Eventually she left and we didn't discuss her at all.

Later, when I wanted to go, he was like,“But it’s only 10:30, we could go hit another bar.” I said that I had a half-hour drive home. He laughed and said he had a two block walk home.

And he was quite a bit more overweight than his picture. I was fine with his picture, but by now, he’s grown this huge roll of fat where his neck should be.

I wish I'd just gotten up after my first drink (SHE EVEN WANTED TO TASTE IT! NO FUCKING WAY, COOTIEVILLELADY!) and said, "You two seem to be enjoying yourselves. I'll leave you alone to carry on without me." Because I also was annoyed that he let her remain once I showed up.

And I would have taken that mp3 player with me!

SWF Seeks . . . and seeks . . . and seeks . . . .

Wow, it's been a long time, folk(s). What's new since Quentin? Lots. Sports injuries. One boyfriend. New potential boyfriend.

After Q, I dated Mark for two months. Good guy, but we were way too much alike.

Got back on the dating sites... and one night, October 6, a Tuesday, I went home early from work to shower, then headed to Applebee's (very close to my home) to watch the Twins-Detroit game, the game that would determine which team went to the playoffs to face the Yankers.

Two seats to my right sat a guy.

Long story short, we ended up talking most of the night, exchanged email addresses, cell phone #s (but neither of us uses them), and now have gone on four dates! He's cute, smart, funny, unpredictable, great kisser, and best as I can tell from what through-the-clothing groping I have done, nicely hung. ;)

He says nice things and sexy things, and I *love* making him laugh -- he laughs but seems surprised that I made him laugh. If that makes any sense.

Of course, keeping my head on straight. Just going to sit back and see what I learn about him. He's taking me out to dinner tomorrow night, and it will be a good chance to have some good conversation, without the distractions of music, a movie, a pool game, kissing....

Hey, I was wrong: I was right! Q really IS a loser at relationships!

Q really IS a fucked-up tool! I guess it's awesome that I still have my good sense about me, and that I lost only 2 months of my life. I mean, those early cues... I was sure that given his VERY fucked up "relationship" (if you can call them that) history, he was a lost cause.

He also has no friends. That's always been a red flag for me, and I've not encountered it often, but I meet a guy who has no friends, no social life, I've been wary, and it has always turned out to be for good reason.

But I guess it's easy to put on a show for a couple of months.

I was told some things he needed from me. For instance, he needs his partner to regularly bolster his ego, tell him how smart he is, what a great job he's doing, etc. Seriously. I thought it was a little goofy, but whatever. He needed complete, brutal openness and honesty. Well... it seemed early for that, and i said that i am happy to be quite open, but some things just get divulged over time, not just a "lay it on the line" sort of thing at a month of dating. I mean, who does THAT?

What did I ask for? An email in the morning just to say "Hi, how are ya?" You see, he would get to work later than I (like 9 or so), but he would be up early, like 6. So I just asked for an email before he hit work and got swamped the minute he got there, because I otherwise may not hear from him until 1. I told him that it just felt nice to know that he'd thought of me. He agreed.

Then he stopped doing it again, and I said something today, and he had a fit over it.
Accused me of making multiple demands on him (not true, I asked only for a morning email -- if he'd said he couldn't promise to do it, I'd have dropped it).

Now he just dumped me over email. After 2-1/2 really great months, with amazing sex, so many laughs... he pulled a lame "we're just two different people" and "I won't be controlled." Guess he hasn't gotten over his past shitty relationships like I'd hoped. I guess when a guy has a three-year relationship (*cough*) that's limited to texting and emailing and phone calls, he probably isn't ready for the real life stuff of a relationship with a live human being.

Who ends a relationship at that point over email?

Only a coward who can't face his girlfriend, life, or himself.

Good riddance, Q. You're classless and a coward. Thanks for validating that my earlier gut reaction was dead on. I'll know in the future to trust my instincts.

Switching Teams

No, I'm not gonna root for the White Sox or the Royals.

Men are pissing me off. Would things/life be easier if I just switched to girls? At least with women, I know what to expect!!!

I'm Never Wrong. Except When I Am.

I met Q in mid-May. Shortly after, he opened up about his relationship history. I won't go into details out of respect for his privacy, but I wasn't confident in his ability to maintain/sustain a healthy, respectful, honest, open relationship. He surely had those qualities, but it seems in his past he's not chosen partners capable of the same.

I chose to continue to see him, and let him know that I was guarded and unsure of where things were going.

Typically, I would have said "ta ta" and that would have been that. But the qualities I'd seen in Q were just an inkling, and they were enough to stick around and see where things could go.

I'm so glad that's the route I chose, and that he is sticking with things as well. He's utterly amazing. Open, honest, sensitive, truly craving intimacy (not of the physical variety so much as the intellectual and emotional variety--he wants to know everything about me, and he is open to knowing anything and everything, with no judgment). He has huge muscles (mmm those biceps and shoulders!) and a big booming laugh, a deep voice... and is so tender and sweet and loving, I couldn't be happier. I love spending time with him.

We've both been divorced about the same amount of time (eight-ish years) so we're both rather set in our ways after living alone for such a length of time, but we both are doing our best to be flexible and accommodating.

I've rejected other men in the past because they were unable to be in a healthy relationship (although they would argue differently, I suppose), and I was able to discern that rather quickly, but something about Q told me he was worth sticking with, to ride things out and see how they turned out.

I'm so glad I made that choice.

Irish Kiss

Softball. Pitching. Line drive to arm. If I hadn't turned to my right, that would have been my left tit.

Ouchies.

50 Reasons to Have Sex

On tonight's rerun of HIMYM ("How I Met Your Mother"), the gang comes up with a list of 50 reasons to have sex. Poor Marshall insists that there is only one reason: love. (Love BEFORE sex? People still do that? How quaint!)

I tried posting a picture of the bar napkin on which the list was written, but it was too small to view on the monitor, so I stole the typed list from another person's blog:

1. Because you can’t get to sleep
2. Make-up sex
3. Break-up sex
4. Your friend told you about a new position
5. Revenge
6. Rebound
7. Paratrooping / bangin’ for roof
8. Nothing good on TV
9. Because you’re in a hotel
10. Curiosity
11. It’s raining
12. It’s halftime
13. Diet / exercise
14. Celebrate recent weight loss
15. You finally get the chance to show your childhood bed some action
16. Prom night
17. You’re already at their place and don’t want to have to move your car
18. Show off new lingerie
19. Celebrate major victory by favorite team and / or political candidate
20. Your chance to do it in a specific location (ex. airplane, Burger King bathroom)
21. To prove we’re not in a rut
22. Stress relief
23. Just shaved legs
24. Forgot to buy a birthday present
25. “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye is playing on the radio
26. Celebrating the joy of life after a near-death experience
27. Your one chance with a celebrity
28. Time an egg
29. To avoid cleaning, studying or doing work of any kind
30. She wants to
31. It’s cold outside
32. Cheer someone up (pity)
33. Keeping up with the neighbors
34. Your roommate is out of town and you can do it on the couch
35. Some very protected sex to celebrate the fact that I’m not / we’re not / you’re not pregnant
36. Practice
37. They have air conditioning and you don’t
38. Because he / she is from one of the countries you haven’t had sex with a person from yet
39. “Damn, your calves look good in those cargo shorts” sex
40. Called / tested the wrong person but she was into it anyway
41. Because she looks like your superhot cousin and this is the closest it will ever get to it being okay
42. Breaking in a new apartment
43. Because he says he loves you and you’re not ready to say it back yet
44. Wingman diving on the friend grenade
45. Your condoms are about to expire
46. It’s getting a little hard
47. Miscommunication (Cheetos sex)
48. To reinforce good behavior (such as shaving and dental hygiene)
49. To change the subject
50. Love ♥